– Perhaps on some beautiful day in the future the spaceship will come and take me back home.

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Detached from the world

Am I an alien? I sometimes feel like I am waiting for someone to come and take me back to my real home.
Maybe I am waiting for a spaceship from a remote galaxy? My problem is that I cannot feel relaxed and at home with most people, and even though I'm forced to be part of society, I cannot say that I identify with society at large. Perhaps it is because I have Asperger's Syndrome.

One thing is quite clear: I cannot adapt to some human traits, those that are too dynamic, too fickle, and too evil. Even in our contemporary world, things change very quickly; people who one day accept personal freedom, may the next day turn to state introduced -isms like moralism or sentimentism. And all without any logical reason, and with a completely blind eye to what are normally called human rights.

Very often I get despondent when I see what humans are capable of and responsible for: how evil and stupidity originating from religion or some -isms can take over society and crush individuals. How politics and other man-made decisions actually get a chokehold on humans, and how a large number of people cannot see this themselves.

I don't know which is worse: a dictatorship where the leader is a fool, or a democracy where the majority is foolish. In both cases, the consequence is often a suppression of freedom. The more people behind it, the more people to blame. It seems impossible for humans to live together in respect and peace.

What make it possible for me to stay alive are what I call static elements: the genuine perfection of things that are not manmade. The beauty of a flower, the innocence of animals, the sunset. Sometimes I see those static elements inherent in some human beings: the pure innocence of a person whose integrity is still not corrupted by the mercilessness of society. Then I am filled with joy, but also feel a deep sadness, because I know that some day this innocence might be ripped away by religion or state suppression.

Innocence is, as far as I know, not man-made and never can be. Wickedness, however, seems to be a well-established trait of the human race.

So, what do I do?

I live in an almost impossible situation where I struggle with this every day. And I cannot close my eyes and pretend these destructive dynamics are not there, since I don't have a "filter" (read: Asperger´s Syndrome). No, I cannot pretend, and I cannot say that I have a solution to untangle this Gordian knot.

Perhaps on some beautiful day in the future the spaceship will come and take me back home. In the meantime, I have to find a way to survive, avoiding the dynamic illogical elements as best I can, and, instead, surrounding myself with static timelessness.

When I manage to do this, the music automatically starts playing in my head, and I feel like a reflector of all things static, completely detached from the world.


Tightrope walking

I'd better stick to my music lab

Artwork by Line Majormoen
Published December 21, 2017

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